How do I handle holidays with empathy?
“Who am I supposed to make this for? My mom doesn’t live with us anymore.”
It seems so simple and light - making crafts and cards in an elementary classroom for a holiday like Mothers Day - until it isn’t.
Over my teaching career, it has become more and more apparent how much weight our students carry. And, just as it is for adults, that weight seems to be a little bit heavier around holidays.
Every student in your classroom will have a different story. Whether loss of a family member, absence, or relationship difficulties - there are a multitude of reasons that holidays may be tough for our students.
So, on these we have to figure out how to hold the tension between joy and grief in order to create space for students so they continue to feel safe in our classroom; to learn how to navigate these days with empathy and awareness.
How to Approach Holidays with Care in the Classroom:
Talk to grieving student(s) ahead of time. If you know of a child that may struggle with a certain holiday or activity due to life circumstances, talk to them ahead of the holiday and let them know what the class activity will be. Ask them if they’d like to participate or leave the room during that time. If they want to participate, help them process how they can make the activity fit for them. The conversation might involve who could be someone they’d like to celebrate. Trust the answer they give you. They may wish to celebrate the person they are grieving and that is perfectly appropriate as well.
Be aware of the words you use when presenting the activity. At the time of the activity, restate all of the options to the entire class. Use wording like “For this Father’s Day activity, we are going to make Dandelion cards for someone who we want to celebrate. You can think about your dad or another important grown up in your life. If your dad is not living, or he does not live with you, you can still complete this activity with him in mind if you wish. It is completely up to you.” Setting these options and expectations with the whole class protects your students from having to explain their choice.
Note: You may have students whose dad is living and actively involved in their life but they still choose to make a card for someone else. I typically have a quiet conversation that sounds something like this, “Can you tell me about who you chose for your card? Oh, that’s kind to think of them, it sounds like they have really supported you and cared for you. Would you like to also make one for your dad?” If they say no, you can ask more follow up questions or just say OK and allow them to make this decision for themselves.Watch closely during the activity and provide support as needed. Students don’t always know how to handle their emotions or other students’ circumstances during holidays so be on the lookout for when you might need to help with words or adapt the activity, providing breaks as needed.
Teaching goes beyond letter sounds and behavior management. We have the responsibility and privilege to walk alongside these little humans as they navigate moments that are tricky even for adults. It’s worth the extra work.
You’ve got this.
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