What are some tips for having tough conversations with parents?

Ok, now for the tough conversations...

These are the phone calls that happen after a fight during recess, or when you think a student might need SPED services, or maybe after you've noticed someone is struggling to make friends. It might be a result of one incident or because you are starting to notice a concerning pattern.

If you haven’t read it yet, check out my post of the Tiers of Parent Communication, but here’s the pyramid for reference. Today we are going to be digging into that Top Tier - Focused Communicaton.

Want my free Parent Communication Guide with printables for tough conversations? Just drop your email below and I’ll send it your way!

Just like behavior management systems or reading intervention strategies, these conversations aren’t typically for every student but instead for students who need additional intervention. These parent communications are going to be less frequent than your other tier conversations and will not necessarily happen with all parents in your class, as it is unlikely all students will require this tier. These conversations obviously make up the most intensive (and often dreaded) type of parent communication. They take more intentionality and thoughtful planning as they are often very focused on addressing a specific problem.

Unlike the flexibility in the other tiers, these conversations need to happen in person or on the phone. Tier 3 communication can be daunting at first, but it will get easier over time. My goal with this blog is for you to feel confident and prepared to make a conversation plan when you realize a Tier 3 communication is necessary.

How do I prep for a tough parent meeting?

GATHER THE FACTS

Talk to students and teachers who were involved directly and/or who saw what happened. You will want to understand every side and angle before talking to parents to make sure you gain a well-rounded view of the situation.

DOCUMENTATION

At the very least, document all of the facts available surrounding the situation and the planned conversation with all involved parties. Be sure to go through proper channels of formal documentation as well. If you have to file paperwork on the incident for your school or district, be sure to also keep a copy for yourself on file.

NOTE: You may be dealing with sensitive information surrounding students in your class (and possibly their families). Be sure that all documentation is properly secured (electronically and physically) so your records are not misplaced.

ASK FOR GUIDANCE

Talk to your team teachers, school counselor, principal, and/or nurse before you proceed. Check if any of them are required to be a part of the conversation when it takes place. If you don’t feel comfortable having conversation alone, ask one of them to sit in on it with you.

CHECK POLICIES

Does your school or district have policies about how to handle this specific situation? If you aren’t sure, ask another teacher, the counselor, or principal at your school.

SET THE MEETING TIME

If this is a situation you have deemed necessary for an in-person meeting, call or email the parent to set up a time. Try to avoid giving too much detail to prevent having the entire conversation ahead of time.

It might sound something like this: “Dear Mrs. Smith, I would like to find a time this week to sit down with you and talk about a situation at school that involved Brendan. Would you be available to meet tomorrow after school?”

PLAN THE CONVERSATION

I will walk you through the steps of the conversation below. However, as a note, I always find it helpful to write down what I want to say before having the conversation in case I get nervous. It also helps me confirm I include all of the relevant facts necessary. (And avoid giving details that breach confidentiality policies if other students are involved).

• Address the situation: Explain the facts with empathy and honesty. Describe the pertinent measures you already have in place to help their child (whether it as a safety measure or academic support).

• Explain how you will respond: If it is a behavior issue, share how you will prevent the situation from happening again and/or what the consequence will be for their child if the behavior is repeated. If academic in nature, explain the interventions you would like to put in place moving forward to help support their child.

• Engage the parent: In many situations, engaging the parent as a partner in the solution is critical for a positive outcome. It can be helpful to give parents ways they can help support their student at home. Depending on the conversation, this might mean resources for the parent (check with your counselor), books on the subject that might be helpful for them and their child to read together, or just conversation ideas that would reinforce the solution. It is also really important to listen carefully to their perspective as well and ask if they have any questions, concerns, or ideas.

Parent Communication can be one of the more intimidating parts of teaching, BUT it can also be one of the most rewarding parts. When you shift your mindset from “these are MY students” to “these are their kids that I get the pleasure to have in my classroom and partner with them for this one year of their lives,” the year becomes that much more meaningful.

It never gets old when I hear, “Mrs. T??” from across the grocery store, or at the zoo, or on a walk, and I turn around to see a student who’s not so little anymore or a parent that fills me in on all of the most recent adventures of their now high schooler. Every time I walk away with misty eyes and think to myself, how lucky am I that I get to have a relationship with so many families? Put the work in - it’s worth it.

Want the complete Parent Communication Guide with a printout for tough conversations? Drop your email address below and I will send it your way!

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